I'm also linking up with Shell for PYHO. Growing up I always felt somewhat ashamed of what happened to me. Obviously getting sick is noone's fault so it really does not make sense yet it is one of those irrational human emotions. Each time I share my story I think it makes me a little more confident in what happened and really be able to grow more from it.
I turned 9 at the beginning of Dec. and a couple days after Christmas my life changed forever. I collapsed, I went into convulsions, I went to the ER, I had spinal taps, I had Cat Scans, I had blood tests, I had lost almost every physical function of my body, they couldn't find anything was wrong with me. My mom begged to differ, she even brought in pictures of me to prove I used to be "normal". So….three different rooms, hours and hours of physical and occupational therapy, so much love and support, many great memories, 2 different hospitals and six months later I'm home. I get sick, I had therapy, I come home…..over right? WRONG. This is only the beginning. I still had a couple months of outpatient therapy, a few MRI's to go to and seeing a neurologist now and then and doing retarded tests that I absolutely loooooooaaaathed!!
But guess what? Years later I got to go on Oprah!
Oprah: Many times loved ones of loved ones (ya she speaks like this) turn inside and don't know how to deal with illness. How did your family react?
Me: I had the most supportive family in the world at that time in my life. My Mother, who was my absolute hero, did so much for me I can never truly thank her. Between work and home and taking care of my brother and sister she would come to the hospital 2 or 3 times a day to read to me; she would spend hours feeding me with an eyedropper, loving me and fighting for me when noone else would. I can't imagine what she went through. My dad who is somewhat one of those people you spoke of, would try to visit me almost every evening. Ofcourse he came afterhours when all the lights were off and each night I would wait behind the nurses desk (they all loved me) and watch that elevator intently. When it binged and my Dad walked out oh how my 9 year old face lit up. He would take me in my wheelchair down to the cafeteria where I would have my Doritos and then he would take me back to my room and tuck me in with those so wonderfully clean hospital sheets and blankets that I've come to love the smell of. Other family members would also visit me often. Having pizza at naptime with my aunt was one of my favorite times also. I have many other great memories of the support I received but I'll……
Oprah: (interrupting)….You talk a lot
Me: I know right?
Oprah: So how did your peers react? Were you held a year behind because you had missed 6 months?
Me: Because I was so young elementary school was still pretty good as far as the students being nice and accepting to me. All my insecurities came from myself. It wasn't until junior and high school that I received ignorant comments that were hurtful to me.
My very wise mom decided that it would not be a good idea to have me and my brother in the same grade so she chose not to hold me back which I think was probably the best thing. Before my illness my IQ was extremely high and although it did drop quite a bit right after it did come back, not quite to that level.
Oprah: How has your illness affected your life?
Me: Although at the time it seemed to have many negative effects in my life once I matured a little and saw things different I now can say it was one of the best things for my life. I am truly a better person. I think I have more compassion for other people that I might not have had. I was angry because there were so many physical things that I used to do that I could no longer do (well not nearly as well) but I think those things were replaced by qualities of character that are much more important.
Oprah: So do you believe your recovery was a miracle?
Me: I absolutely do and get this…even some of the doctors called me a miracle. There is just no way I could have recovered the way I did without a miracle. And that miracle had to have come from God.
Oprah: How has this experience helped your faith?
Me: Well before I don't think I ever really thought of faith. I mean I went to church and went through all the motions but I never felt anything.
It wasn't until I was about 19 that I think I truly started seeing this as a miracle and seeing how God directs our lives. There are times, especially right now when life kinda sucks, that I kinda wonder why He kept me around but I do believe that's what happened and I do believe there must be a reason. I just I find it soon. If I'm really diggin' deep I can admit to finding some of that reason but my insecure, low self esteem, doubting self doesn't like me to admit that. Workin' on that :)
(In case you're kinda slow like me I really wasn't on Oprah…that was just the prompt :))
This is a poem that I wrote in College many eons ago. I hope I have grown since then. :)
GONE
My life was stolen
Never given back
The way it used to be
Why?
Is it for the best?
Do I matter?
Will I matter?
I'm lost
Fear surrounds me
made up in my head
I don't care
Why should they?
Questions of doubt
Questions of pity
Will I stop
Who can answer?
No one knows
But me and Him
Is He there?
Is He listening?
Sometimes I wonder
I won't stop trying
I will fight
You may join
I welcome Thee
My heart is open
Set it free
(ya I never said I was a writer :))
