Thursday, April 29, 2010

Friday Confessional

-It's somewhat ironic that I received the sunshine award when I'm certainly not in a sunshine state of mind lately

-Snow??? Are you kidding me? This is the end of April right. RIGHT!?

-Laugh if you must but I think I am in love with Stouffers

-but I might cheat with Contessa sometimes

-Hamburger Helper really is a helper

-I just don't like to cook

-eating is where it's at (if I have to I'll do it only if I get to eat it :))

-why do I keep yelling at my kids? I'm not angry at them, I'm angry at me

-that's not fair

-this is really random

-I don't like the cold

-what? you're from Canada

-I've had my share OK!

Oh well if you insist. :)

Wow! an actual award for me? This is actually the second award I've received on my newbie blog and I unashamedly ducked out of the first because I didn't know what I was doing (still don't) and wasn't even that familiar with other blogs (still not....oh but I will get there!) So I'll do my best to uphold the honor of the Sunshine award. I received this award from
Kellie @ Hendricks Family. Thanks so much Kellie! I'm so glad I found your awesome blog! :) If you haven't met her go and give her some love! She's expecting her third little angel from Heaven too which is so super exciting!!

The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blogging world.”

Of course, awards come with rules…
1. Put the logo on your blog and/or within your post.
2. Pass the award on to twelve bloggers.
3. Link to the nominees within your post.
4. Let them know they received this award by commenting on their blog.
5. Share the love and the link to the person from whom you received this award

Although I'm fairly new in the bloggy world I look forward to a long and happy life with all you lovely ladies!!! .....and the winners are!

Elizabeth @ Elizabeth Esther
Stacey @ Any Mommy Out There?
Kim @ In search of Me in Mommy
Kimi @ So Many Kids, So Little Time
Mrs. Claus @ like Christmas every single day
Mama Pebz @ Only the Curious have Something to Say
Jamie @ Little Bishop Chronicles
Chelle @ Whiney Mommy
Alysha @ Supermom
Ali @ Mommie's Life
Krystyn @ Really, Are you Serious?
Stacy @ Letters to the Little Ones

The first two ladies Elizabeth and Stacey, undoubtedly have no idea who I am (I'm sure many of you don't as my blog is pretty new) but I absolutely love their blogs. They really are amazing women. I don't know if they're into awards at all but I wanted to recognize their awesome blogs!

Kim was one of the first commenters on my other blog and I love her blog. She's so open and honest, it's so refreshing to read that!

Kimi, you are hillarious! I totally love reading your blog. I love your sense of humor!

Mrs. Clause, I'm really glad I found your blog. You have such a nice family and I look forward to getting to know you and your new sleigh better!

Mama Pebz, You have such a great attitude about things and I love the way you blog about trying to do better. Such a fun blog!

Jamie you have such a cute blog! I told her yesterday that she is a brave women for trying to go sans shampoo.

Chelle you are awesome! I love all your kind comments and I love your blog. You're so honest and it's great!!

Alysha I'm so glad I found your blog. You are a beautiful person and you have a beautiful family (and you take beautiful pictures :))

Ali thanks for being such an awesome person to me. I love your blog. Your family is adorable (and you take beautiful pictures too! :))

Krystyn, I've enjoyed reading your blog and being a part of Mommy and Me. It's fun to see you in cute pictures with your kids!

Stacy, I'm glad I found your blog. I've really enjoyed reading your witty sense of humor. And your header is so simple and beautiful! :)

Well there ya go 12 lovely ladies. If you haven't visited their blogs (which you probably have cause they're AWESOME!) do!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Golden Angels

It's time for PYHO again. My favorite meme! If you haven't tried it...DO!

When I finished High School I never really hummed and hawed over what sort of career to go in like many. I always knew I wanted to help people. My problem was I hated school and was extremely shy and after my dreaded high school experience I just wanted a break. The one group of people I was not shy with was the elderly, I seemed to have a knack with them. I loved them and they loved me. I took that year off and worked part time as kitchen help at the care center where I had volunteered for a couple years. Other than my volunteering and working though I was kinda a recluse. My mom and step dad worried about me and my mom pushed me to go into general ed at the community college. Ok if that'll make mommy feel better I'll take a few generals. Ya and it kinda made me feel better too. Anyways during that time I looked at a few different possibilities such as social work, occupational therapist (no way don't go the smarts for that one ) So I ended up taking a personal care attendant course at the same college. It was great. I loved my small knit class. I loved my practicum. I loved the elderly. I took a job as a PCA at a group home for physically disabled adults. Again it was wonderful, I loved it. I even took a couple of the people on outings and spent much of my free time there. During this time I had applied to a recreational therapy program in a city 2 hours south of where I lived (mostly at the RT's insistence where I volunteered because he had gone there also and highly recommended it) Anyways I wasn't even sure I wanted to go if I got accepted. I loved my job. I could soon possibly go full time and just do this for awhile. much as I loved it there as soon as I got accepted I knew I wanted to go. Greatest experience of my life (well up until that point :)) Again my practicum's where a highlight. I got to work with physically disabled adults again in this recreation program that went to all kinds of fun places throughout the city. So much fun! Then I got to work in another care center doing fun stuff. Man getting paid to play! What could be better.
So here I am in Utah and after several months of being here (and married) I get a job as a recreation assistant at a care center. Love it! Love! I can't even tell you….so many wonderful experiences! Whoa this post turned out a bit wordier than I planned. :)
These elderly were just so amazing and what an honor it was to just talk with them (even the ones whose minds were partly gone) Still there's so much to learn from them and it's so sad in today's society that these precious angels are often overlooked. There was so much fun and joy there but there was also sadness and loneliness. People who had children never come and visit (even though they lived in the same city). I will always look back at my time there with fondness.

I also wanted to mention my dear grandma who passed away at the age of 96 and share a tribute I wrote for her. My dad thought it was so beautiful that he read part of it at her funeral. I'm so glad because now in a small way I can feel like I participated at her funeral (although I couldn't be there physically)

My Grandma peacefully passed away this morning (the 26th) and I felt like I should record a few of the wonderful memories I have of her and the time we spent together.
My Gram's house was always warm and comfortable and a fun place to be. Warm....that's putting it midly....She very often kept the thermostat at 90 degrees so heat is quite a vivid memory of my Gram's house.
When my brother, sister and I were growing up we spent quite a bit of time at our Gram's. My grandma (who in her youth was dedicated, loving school teacher) had a spare room downstairs with a desk and chalkboard and numerous worldy books. We would play "school" down there. My sister was the teacher, and me and my brother were the unruly students. I don't remember our classes (I'm sure my sister tried to whip us into shape) but I do remember recess. We would run upstairs to the warmth of my Grandma's kitchen (often smelling yummy baking) and she would fix us a snack (and we no doubt would of complained about our "schoolwork") Gee I wonder what my sister did down there while we were at "recess"?? Best part of the schoolday!
My brother and I had quite a few sleepovers at our Grammies. We had a lot of fun playing with her "ancient" toys. She had a indoor lawn bowling set that we quite enjoyed playing with. Cards were a big thing in our family. There were many, many afternoons our Gram would sit patiently and play our "childish" card games; hours on end of Go Fish and Kings in the Corner and once we were older Crib. Yahtzee was a big one too and tons of ......???? that game with the eight colours and you rolled the dice trying to get them all safely home (kinda like an old fashioned version of sorry) One activity though that was so much fun at the end of the day was "babershop". My Gram had her favorite chair that she always sat on and it was big enough for my brother and me to sit on the back or side as to have good access to her hair. We got out clips and combs and rollers and pins. We were quite the hairdressers and ofcourse my Grandma always had to check out her new doo in the mirror. I'll never know how she kept a straight face and told us so nicely how pretty it was. One word: Love.
I had quite the stubborn streak as a child and one evening I got a bee in my bonnet about something my grandma did and I was going to run away. Well I only got to the corner of the block before I turned around again. Ofcourse my Gram welcomed me back with open arms.
Each year at Christmas my Dad would take us kids over to put up and deorate Grandma's Christmas tree. It was a lot of fun putting up her ornaments and old fashioned lights.
So many other wonerful memories that include much Lawrence Welk watching, news paper reading and swapping, gardening in her huge, beautiful back yard, pie crust eating, peanut butter ball eating, going to Swiss Chalet, eating over cooked brocolli (hmmm eating is kinda a theme here) and lots and lots of Crib!!
My Gram was a wonderful woman and I loved her very much. It's always bittersweet when an elderly loved one passes because often the sadness is accompanied with knowing it was a blessing in many ways. We had so many wonderful times together Gram that I will always treasure. I love you Gram. God be with you till we meet again!

Monday, April 26, 2010

If I could turn back time... Cher I know you've given it a valiant try but it just doesn't work.
I'm afraid I'm getting older too and I suppose it's time I started putting moisturizer on my face. Yes I admit I've sadly neglected my face and luckily have gotten by but now that the years are flyin by (and a few more stressors added.....*cough* children *cough*) I may not be so lucky.

Chelle over at The Whiney Mommy is having an awesome giveway for some wrinkle free cream. Goodness knows I would never spend 65 bucks on a cream so I'd really like to win this. So if this is something that sounds appealing to you (and why wouldn't it?) Then go visit her blog and do your thang!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Mommy and Me and Mono Monday

Wow I feel so bloggy hip. I'm doing double duty today (No I don't really say hip IRL :))

Mommy and Me Monday at Really, Are You Serious?
Hosted by Krystyn

A little bit of Heaven

Every once in a while Danny and I will sleep with the kids. Ethan will sleep in the big bed with Danny and I'll sleep in Ethan's bed pushed together with Aria. So Danny lies on the bed and talks to Ethan while he goes to sleep and I lie on the bed with Aria. Looks like this: Mom and Aria lying face to face whispering to each other about all the people we love and then Aria says "but you don't love spiders cause they crawl on your skin and you don't love bats and you don't love owls"...wait a minute owls are kinda nice so mom says "owls are pretty but they're not very nice" Then she talks about how when she closes her eyes she dreams about ? (didn't really get that part)
She says she doesn't wanna close her eyes and dream about ?. So mom says well why don't you dream about care-a-lot (totally into the care bears right you can see :)) Ok she sweetly says then closes her eyes and mom watches her angel go to sleep.

Ever since I heard about this photo challenge with Alysha @ Supermom I was so excited to try it. I've always wanted to try my hand at better photography and this gives me a chance to....and some motivation. I'm new at this stuff so any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. :)

The first one is YOU, little ol' me. I took so many headshots of myself this weekend I feel kinda vain. :) It was fun playing around with the black and white though.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

My kids are bird killers!

With Spring comes new life. We tend to get a lot of birds around our yard mostly quail but sometimes other. (one spring we had pyscho birds that would peck at our bedroom window and fly down our vents on top of the house) Anyways last spring our two little angels discovered these little creatures of God and decided to chase and torment them (put them in buckets and play with them) What can you do? Unfortunately we found two of them who had sadly gone to birdie heaven and it's my hunch that Sherlock Holmes and Watson had something to do with it.
Anyway today is the first day that the baby birds were discovered again. Poor things. I tried to explain that the little birdies will most likely be shunned by their mother and die if tainted by human stench. The hours that followed went something like this. Ethan would try to feed the baby bird peanut butter bread then go off and play and tell Aria to tell him when the birdy was dead. Ethan comes over and touches the bird. Aria screams in horrer that the bird is going to die and lovingly builds a shelter around the bird so the wind (which is nonexistant today) does not bother it.
So sad but you just can't help but think it's cute. If they only knew.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Friday Confession

It's Friday Confession time with Glamazon!!

-I'm posting this thursday night so my link can be a that top and I can maybe shamelessly get some new visitors to my newbie blog

-this morning I went on the elliptical machine that we bought in feb. that was just sitting there collecting dust for a whole 11 ½ min. (woohoo! It felt good) well it's a start

-last night I left my razor in the bathtub corner when my 6 year old took a bath

-while I was away for a min. he cut his lip (just a teeny weeny cut) but boy it coulda been worse!

-ya I'm THAT mom!

-speaking of THAT mom, I accidentally scratched my daughter underneath the eye while I was lovingly putting my hand on her cheek and now she has a little cherry mark (I said lovingly right! :))

-and I took my youngest out in her poopy diaper to pick up her brother from school because she pooped at the last minute and I didn't want to be late (even though we were about 5 min. early)

-don't let your 3 ½ year old feed your 15 month old unless said 15 month old is naked

-sometimes I could strangle whoever came up with the brilliant idea to put carpet in the eating area (obviously they didn't have kids)

-hence at any point during the day you can find me on my hands and knees underneath my dining room table picking up fallen and thrown food bits

-we are just renting or it woulda been gone within a week!

-this morning I told my husband to leave and that he was a jerk and he had the nerve to actually do it!! Men!

True joy

This Thursday I decided to join Mama Kat's writer's workshop and write on a prompt. Great idea if you have nothing to write about. Go check her out she has a super awesome blog!

What is the joy in your life right now?

Well honestly right now there's not a whole lotta joy in my life. (You ingrate!) Ok there's many things I have in my life to be joyous about, thing is I just don't feel it. We'll work on that.

One thing I can say though it that my joy right now is my kids. They're the joy that will never leave, never falter, never dwindle. Oh yes they can sure drive you nuts and then there is frustration and anger and mom guilt for not being a better mom. But at night when the day is done and they're going to bed, pure joy.
When I meet my son at the corner coming home from school and he reaches for my hand, Joy.
When my daughter says I do (that) because I love you in her little sing songy voice,
When my baby hugs my neck everytime she wakes in the morning,
Yes there is much wailing and nashing of teeth but in the end the joy overcomes all. This too will pass but the joy is forever.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Where did my Sister Go?

It's time for PYHO with Shell at Things you can't say. It's a great meme and a wonderful chance to get part of YOU out there to share with others.

My parents divorced very early on in my life (when I was about 4). Because of this my sister (4yrs. older) took on the role of the second parent. Partly because of the circumstances but partly because it was her nature. So she was always like a second mother to me. Like my mother I think she was even more protective of me after my illness.
Growing up I always looked up to my sister thinking she was so cool. I loved spending time with her and I believe her with me. She took me out for my first bagel, she took me on the freeway when I was learning to drive which almost gave me a heart attack, she even let me hang out with her and her "cool" boyfriends and go "slurpy timin'" in the middle of the night with them (just a walk and slurpees….let's not get carried away)
She was smart, funny, cool. She was wonderful. She was my big sister whom I love dearly. I sadly say was….
She met a good man. He served a mission for his and now my church. She joined. I joined. She helped me through many difficult times including having my dad being totally against us joining the church. She was extremely supportive of me when I chose to get married in a temple of our church. She and her husband sacrificed much to come 2000 miles to my wedding. She had great faith. She was so strong. Or so I thought?
We were always close and then….well….then I don't know. It just all stopped.
After 11 yrs. of marriage and 1 son she just up and turned her back on the whole thing. So it seems to us on the outside. She won't talk to anyone just expects everyone to understand? Understand what? Leaving your husband who is a good man? Leaving your 2 yr. old son? Leaving your church?
You know it's funny how so often the sibling who has the most animosity towards a parent who wronged them turns out to be the most like them. My dad left my mom and three kids just "cause". He fell out of love (I don't believe that)? He just couldn't handle the responsibility? He was immature and being completely selfish. Hmmm seems a little familiar of the situation now. My sister, being the oldest when he left, had a lot of bitterness and anger towards him for what he did and now she's doing the same thing.
Where did my sister go? Or did I ever really know her?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Just Rambling

Thought #1

I'm feelin' pretty overwhelmed today (well everyday lately) I'm gettin' kinda worried about my hubby's job. He still hasn't found on yet. Last week he came so close to getting a really good progamming job but the competition is just so tight. I'm a little barky at him which is not helping. I know I need to be supportive because this is really hard on him too because I know he's trying so hard. This morning I had to go pick up a few things and he said well are you going cause if not I need to go do my stuff and I snarked back well go then you always just go off all day to the college and don't even accomplish anything (seriously?! I want to smack myself...that is just mean and it's not an isolated thing) I don't know why I get so snarky but it's just no good. Really. I know that. Our moods really affect eachother so when one's up the other is and unfortunately vice versa. I think I tear him down sometimes and I hate myself for that. He had a not good growing up experience and has kinda been prone to depression. If you knew his family you'd say along with me that he truly is a diamond in the rough. I talk to my mom and she has so much faith in him. Do I? I mean he's my husband and I need to be his biggest fan and support him and I'm not. Shame on me.

NOTE TO SELF: Remember post on virtuous women!

Thought #2

We are so incredibly blessed. How can I possibly complain about money. Really in the grand scheme of things. Money doesn't matter. Financial problems really are a joke when you think of what other trials there are in life. I need to sit back and count my blessings. But sometimes I wanna be selfish. It's hard when you see others who seem to have the perfect life (and not just financially here), the perfect relationship, perfect kids. Why is it so hard to compare to those who seem more fortunate but not the other way around?

Thought #3

Oh my gosh I actually have 8 people following my blog (i know that's puny pittilence compared to other blogs but for me it's huge and I'm being totally serious here thankyou for caring enough to follow) What if I don't have anything to say though and dissappoint people? I mentioned I'm a people pleaser. :)

Thought #4 (this is the best)

They are absolutely miracles from our Heavenly Father. How precious are our children. I was walking my son to school and he, my daughter and his friend were talking about care bears. My son says how he and Aria have a care bear collection. They have lots of bears! Just one example of so many everyday that mean nothing when someone else hears it but brings an unbelievable feeling of love. Looking out the kitchen window to see your children swinging on the playset outside or sitting on the ground playing some made up game together. Sweetest moments that only you will ever understand the significance of.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Mommy and Me

Mommy and Me Monday at Really, Are You Serious?
Hosted by Krystyn

Now that my Ethan's been in Kindergarten in the afternoon and that's Emma's nap time, it's been nice to have the afternoons with my Aria. Who knew playing Go Fish over and over could be so fun? (oh and we're laying in her "mermaid garden" and she's mermaid Uniqua :))

(I hope it's not cheating that I took the pic. myself :))

Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday Confessions

It's friday confessional time with
If you haven't checked it out do cause it's a ton of fun!

-It was wonderful to wake up with my daughter next to me (my son was sick so he slept with his dad) and start the day off with some Go Fish

-who doesn't love a good game of Go Fish! (especially with a 3 1/3 yr old!)

-I sososo hope my husband gets the job he interviewed for twice this week

-being unemployed is bittersweet (I do like having my husband home more but the pay sucks!)

-I am super excited to try this new self tanning lotion recommend by Ali at
A mommie's life

-I've never in my life used either a tanning bed or self tanning lotion

-I don't like laying in the sun either which makes for not much colour in the summer

-I've realized that asking my children to please keep their voices down just does not work

-they don't seem to know what quiet voices are

-sometimes I wish I had a mute button for them (Is that terrible?)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Virtuous Women

Several months ago I had a lesson in church on being a virtuous women. That lesson really touched me because it got me thinking how it applies to me and I came to the unattractive conclusion that I'm really not in many ways. I know so many wonderful, amazing women that I would consider virtuous. I want people to think of me that way too. I mean not to be vain or anything but when people think of me it would be nice if they had good thoughts about me, ya know?
Women inherently have so many wonderful, beautiful, charitable qualities. I believe that it should be our goal to nurture these qualities and our potential. I'm definately not saying we need to be perfect (cause that's impossible) and ofcourse we'll continuously make mistakes but that's ok. All I'm saying is that if it is not our desire to be more virtuous and loving and charitable then we are not being true to ourselves. We are not living up to our potential or our God given gifts.
I give a big thanks and hug out to all you women that are trying to better yourselves and your lives and have written about it one your blogs. You truly are an inspiration.
Ok now I've written about it I have something to make me feel guilty if I'm not trying. :) This is the true desire of my heart and it's time to stop "just" talking about it.

P.S. I don't mean to sound preachy and everyone may not agree with this but it's my opinion.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Let go and Let God

I've always had trouble believing God loves me. I mean His children, yes, but me? Was I really included? Kinda ridiculous if you think about it. I mean ya sure He loves everyone on this earth but you….but I think it's something many people struggle with at times. So despite the miracles that have happened in my life (namely the one when I was younger which I talk about here) I have doubts. Intellectually…makes no sense but since when do I make sense?
My husband and I were certainly not soul mates when we met. I believe two people become soul mates through time and growing together. Do souls connect? Yes. But to truly be soul mates I believe takes much time (a process we are still going through) The past three years have certainly tested our marriage past the point that I think many could handle (looking back I don't even know how I handled it) There was no abuse, no infidelity, it had to do with a prescription drug problem and a psychosis that nearly broke apart our family. No not mine. I was too busy to notice at the time. What could I do? I had two kids to take care of. I had to push all my emotions deep down just to get by. The destruction caused by this is done but it's time for the cleanup and that's not easy. Not easy at all. All those buried emotions are coming out. In bitterness, In anger, In self disdain and ofcourse In sadness. I want things to get better. I know things can get better.
I guess this is where my point comes in. Did you know that in some countries they don't even have words for things like depression, stress and anxiety. That doesn't mean its not there but if there isn't even a word for it that says a lot. Well the other day I was reading my Psychology Book (yes I went back to college, yay me!) and the chapter was on stress. Nasty stuff! And anger. Not good….not good.
Ok la point. I'm SO blessed. There really is absolutely no reason to be unhappy, or stressed or angry. I can choose to whine that my situation is not like this or that or I can choose to make things better. It is MY choice. My husband is a good man, a loving and sensitive man, a good father, extremely loyal, and I know he loves me with all his heart. We have three beautiful angels who are healthy. Our home and family can be a heaven here.
I just need to let go and let God. For my babies. For my relationship. For Me.

(I've had this thought process and attitude before so many times and it just doesn't work out….but I think maybe just maybe it'll work this time…..It has to work this time)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

You want me to learn WHAT??

Man I just cannot believe how much kids these days in kindergarden need to learn! I mean when I was in kindergarden it was pretty much like daycare. My mom tells me that I used to get so bored (cause I was pretty smart ya know :)) that I would mouth off a little to the teacher. When they had parent/teacher conference I would sit in the backroom and teach the other kids poker. hehe!
Anyways back to my son. He brings home a homework pamphlet almost every week! He's kinda like his mom though. He's smart enough but too lazy and busy to do his homework. He'd rather be building hot water heaters and sprinkler systems with his tinker toys or legos. I have to confess that I get a little too frustrated with him cause he just doesn't wanna do it. And it's even more frustrating cause I know he can do so much better. Ohhhh I'm a bad mommy! Please forgive me my little man! And then I feel guilty for pushing him so hard. He's just a mansir!
Am I the only one surprised at what they have to learn in kindergarden?

Ups and Downs of Blogging

For some reason I'm not feelin' so good about my blog this morning. Well it's this dang low selfesteem, second guess yourself thing. Last night I was so excited about the followers I've got with only a couple weeks of blogging and the wonderful support (you ladies are awesome!) Seriously you almost get giddy over something someone else would think is like "ya whatever". It's been good for my self esteem. I've been reading so many awesome, amazing blogs and well....enter the ugly, nasty thoughts that I won't go on about cause I sound like I'm whining.....maybe I am.
I am just like super mood swing mom lately. I mean I go to bed so happy with my new blog and wake up covered in self doubt again. There's a lot more to this bloggy thing than meets the eye. Part of me really wants to do this cause I need a place to let things out and the other part know :) I just can't give in this time cause if I want things to change I need to change them (if that makes sense)
'Sides I have three of the bestest kids in the world that I totally don't deserve but love with everything in me and they deserve better.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Hug a Bug

Mommy and Me Monday at Really, Are You Serious?
Hosted by Krystyn

This picture was taken last monday for Easter. Emma's my little hug a bug! She's always givin' me big hugs and kisses! (or maybe she's just trying to eat my face cause she's hungry :))

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Consideration Anyone?

I must say I am not surprised by what happened. I'm just angry. Why would you be so angry or dissapointed if you knew what was coming? Well I guess part of me had hope (story of my life) I think part of it is a Utah thing (but I won't go there :)) Is it so dang hard to pick up the bloody phone and make a call saying you can't come or whatever! Man, are people so inconsiderate so self absorbed that they just can't care enough to do something so simple. Ok ok maybe that's a bit harsh....but REALLY! What happened to consideration and thought for others. It really seems to be dwindling these days as compared to 50 years ago. Ya ok I have issues. I could go on and on. BUT.....this time it's not just about me! It's one thing not to show up to a Stampin' Up party (despite the please RSVP) but this is a child's birthday. He knows who he invited and part of him probably wonders why they didn't come. Fortunately there are considerate people out there and said boy had a fun time! I was so dang mad and dissapointed I coulda cried but I just enjoyed it with him (not as much as I shoulda) Now he's asleep so the anger turns to sadness (like it always does) and I can cry now for my baby. (or is it for me again??)

Friday, April 9, 2010

Friday Confessional

-yesterday I walked around all day with jam on my butt but didn't care enough to change them
-i sometimes get my left and right mixed up
-similarly sometimes i get the up right and left signals mixed up
-i completely stopped breastfeeding my little girl recently and I miss it
-my son's birthday party is tomorrow and i've spent hours googling care bear pics., printing and cutting
-i'm making a cheer bear cake so hopefully it'll go ok cause i'm definately not a baker!
-along with that we drove all the way up to pleaseant view (about 1 hr 10 min. each way) with all three kids in the car to get some care bears
-they were cute, i liked them
-my husband asked if i got them more for myself than my kids (of course not!)
-makes me wonder though if we do things for our kids to make us feel like better parents not because they actually would be happier because of it (eg. buying toys when they are perfectly happy playing with tupperware and cardboard boxes)
-that is the longest we've ever been in the car with all three
-they did really good
-even my little one who wasn't even feeling that good
-she's had a bit of a fever for two days
-i think it's her teeth
-did i mention i miss breastfeeding her?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

It Changed my Life

I firmly believe that all our trials are for our purpose. Whether they make us stronger, bring us peace or teach us something we need to know in order to be a better person. Well in some way or another I think I was taught all three in one shot (although I gotta work on that second one)
When I was young, I was struck with a debilitating illness. It took everything from me.
It was a long long road back to recovery (in a way the recovery is still going on) and I do have a lot of fond memories of it. But as I got back into school and the hurtful comments and looks came the questions came. Why me? Then the "could've beens" As I matured though (another ongoing process) I started to see the good that came from it. I was a better person, I had a purpose in life (don't ask me what it is but if I didn't I would have most definitely died or been a vegetable life most people in my situation). Maybe I wasn't that confident, was painfully shy but I had developed other qualities of greater importance. Compassion, Love, Charity, Understanding.
It may take time and sometimes not even in this life but there is always something good that comes from trials.

Mommy Regret


I came across this writer's worshop on Mama Kat's Blog and I thought it was such a great idea. Give me ideas to write about! So I chose the question what would you do differently as a first time mom?

Oh man! So many things.
When I brought my son home the first night of course husband and I were both exhausted. We went to bed that night and put the little guy in his bassinet in our room. Well about 30 min. later we realized there was no way we could get any sleep with him in there (well me mostly) cause every mom knows you wake at every little sound your baby makes (and babies seem to make sound while sleeping all the time!) So into his own room he went but that didn't seem to go too well. Son kept fussing and husband was ornery and mom was exhausted so I left husband and went into son's room to sleep on the mattress still in the room. Poor little guy kept on fussing and mom was so exhausted that I lay there hearing him, half asleep literally being so exhausted I physically could not get up (well maybe not phyically but that's what my mind told me) He could of been hungry or tangled up in his blanket or just scared and I wasn't there. I feel awful!
And I would just hold him more. He certainly wasn't a snuggly baby but once in a while he would fall asleep in my arms. I wish I had taken advantage more of those opportunities. I wish I had let him fall asleep next to me in bed sometimes and just watched him sleep.
I hate mom regret!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Unstoppable Me

This morning I was totally thinking that I shouldn't of started this blog because I have nothing to say or talk about that's of any importance. But my ideas are my ideas and they are important to me and hey...I like other people's ramblings so maybe somebody might like mine??
I was reading some new books my son got from school and there was this one book that I read that has really awesome life "rules". Things don't always need to be so complicated. Really....the things we can learn from our children are the most important things we can learn in this life.
The book is Unstoppable Me and I would highly recommend it! Great lessons for you and your children.

10 Ways to soar through life

1. You're Great-No Matter What!
2. Persistence Pays Off!
3. Welcome the Unknown
4. You Have a Choice
5. Farewell to Worry
6. Peace Begins with You
7. Enjoy the Here and Now
8. Healthy Me!
9. Creativity the Key!
10. What can you Give?

Complete Communication Breakdown

Ok this may sound like super cheesy but why is it so dang hard to get your heart to listen to your mind? If I lived by my mind I would be the most confident person because I would know my self worth, have confidence in my talents (not wonder what they are), I would know how awesome I am, and I'd be pretty dang funny (have people laugh with me not at me) because I DO KNOW!! I. KNOW.!!! But I don't live it, won't live it. Because my heart is the ruler and my heart is hurt, my heart feels weak, my heart feel worthless. But unlike 10 years ago I now have 4 other people that have moved into my heart. I need to mend my heart for them and start listening to my much smarter mind. My children are the most precious thing to me and they deserve better. And if I can't (well no won't) do it for myself I need to for them. Like Dr. Phil says (ya don't laugh I'm not ashamed to admit I watch him) You will die for your children but will you live for them. UGH! super cheese (well sometimes super cheese is the truth :))
NOTE:I really am very blessed in my life and don't have anything major other than the everyday crap of life that I'm going through. I'm just whining. (hear the violin?)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

-I feel like such a slacker mom because I get so overwhelmed with what I should be doing that I don't do anything at all
-I'm not sure if I deserve my sweet angels but I'm sure grateful for them
-My baby is six today
-I love this little man so much
-He has an incredible imagination
-We are going to Leatherby's tonight (yum yum!!!)
-I can't believe he's gonna be in Gr.1 this fall
-I hope he's not gonna be a bully
-My kids are very social and the parents not so much
-I think I stifle my kids social activity because of my antisocialness
(if I was more buddy buddy with other moms our kids would play together more often)
-I am kinda relieved to sit out in the foyer with my babe at church because I get anxiety about old people judging my out of control kids (some oldies just don't remember what it was like!)
-I can SO relate to the husband thing that Glamazon Mormon Mom said
-I hate the fact that I'm constantly comparing everything in my life
-I sometimes think my husband and I (mostly me) would've been happier if we had moved back to Alberta after we got married here in Utah
-I am a total people pleaser (I cry at confrontation of any kind)
-I could never be a telemarketer or work on the phones at all
-I'm really not as depressing as I sound
-I love watching The Bachelor or romantic movies cause I can fantasize my husband is like that but then reality hits you like a ton of bricks! haha!
-I buy my shoes at the DI
-heck I buy everything at the DI (second hand store)
-I love my feet even though my toe has a bump on it
-I can't wait to be pregnant again (even though that'll be a long time ahead I secretly fantasize sometimes about my bc failing)
-I hate this snow!!! hello Mother is suppose to be spring!!!